I understand
by MoonJay2012
Summary: "You hide that you're drowning in guilt because you believe you deserve it, you believe everything that happened is your fault when it's not and you know that, you just hate yourself for killing them." "I can't do this Summer," I whimpered, pressing myself closer to her. ConnorxSummer


I let a sigh escape my mouth, my eyes drooping but my mind wide awake. Fear clenched at my heart. I leaned my head backwards against the cold metal, my eyes sweeping over the familiar wall with the Zenith names. The names of the people I killed.

A lone tear rolled down my cheek, memories flashing through my mind of their broken bodies piled by my feet, Jackie staring at me in anguish, Jackie sealing me in another dimension. Me trying to kill him.

"I'm just weak," I whispered.

"No you're not."

I scrambled to my feet and spun around to face the fiery haired girl.

"Summer," I breathed.

"Connor, you're not weak," she said, stepping closer to me.

I shuffled backwards, ignoring the hurt that flashed across her face for a second.

I looked over at her, my eyes taking in her every detail.

"You're not weak," she repeated.

"Yes I am, I let the Gamma 13 take over me and I killed my team, and I almost killed my little brother," I cried.

"He isn't so little anymore," she gave me a small smile.

"I know," I whispered, slumping against the wall behind me.

"It's not your fault Connor," Summer stepped closer to me.

"I could hurt you," I said softly.

"But you won't, you're not effected by the Gamma 13 anymore," Summer argued.

"Summer," I choked.

"Connor," she smiled.

She kept walking until we were face to face, with only a few inches between us.

"You're not a monster, no matter how you think of yourself. Remember that you're not, we're a family. And families help each other," she lay a hand on my shoulder.

"I don't belong, I killed all of the first Zenith team," I clenched my eyes shut.

"Maybe, but it wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was! I should have stopped myself!" I screamed.

Summer took a step back in surprise.

"I should have stopped! I could've stopped hurting them! I nearly killed Jackie! My own flesh and blood! I'm a monster Summer!" I yelled.

Summer's eyes widened as she took a step back.

"I'm still dangerous Summer, the Gamma 13 may have been reversed but I can still feel it sometimes," I said darkly, moving closer to her.

She stumbled back into the wall, and I moved closer to her, pressing her into the wall.

"You don't, you just think you do. You trick yourself into thinking that you feel it inside you, but thats you trying to hide the fact that you're drowning in guilt," Summer whispered.

I leaned forward until my face was buried in her neck.

"You hide that you're drowning in guilt because you believe you deserve it, you believe everything that happened is your fault when it's not and you know that, you just hate yourself for killing them."

"I can't do this Summer," I whimpered, pressing myself closer to her.

"Yes you can. You have Jack, Dylan, Tucker, Cindy, Mr Pibb, Miss Holloway and me here for you," she wrapped her arms around me.

"But I can't even face Jackie without seeing his face when I killed them, the horror, disgust and heartbreak all so clearly shown to me," my voice shook.

"He was disgusted at what they had done to you in an attempt to make you stronger, he was heartbroken this happened to you, he was horrified what the Gamma 13 made you do, he was never disgusted with you," Summer soothed, running a hand through my hair.

"Whenever I close my eyes all I can see is their bodies, lying broken and limp at my feet," I cried.

"It wasn't you, it was the Gamma 13 Connor, stop blaming yourself!" Summer begged.

"I can't! I can't stop blaming myself cause it is my fault!" I screamed, stepping away from her.

"It's not though! We all know that!" She screamed back.

"General Laraby obviously doesn't," I said bitterly.

"Yes he tried to arrest you for the killing of the old Zenith team, but he stopped when he realised it really wasn't your fault, it was his for giving you the Gamma 13," Summer glared at me.

I shook my head in disbelief.

"Listen to me Connor, you're not a monster," Summer grabbed my hands in her small ones and pulled me back against her.

"You're no monster," she breathed.

My eyes flickered down to her lips, then back up to hers, asking permission. She gave a slight nod and I moved my hands to either side of her head against the wall, leaning in closer to her until my entire body was pressed against her.

Summer rolled her eyes as I slowly moved forward, afraid of hurting her, and brought her hand behind my head and slammed my lips to hers. My eyes widened then slipped closed of their own accord as I moved my lips against hers.

My hands moved to her hips, one to the back of her head to crush her lips harder against mine.

I broke the kiss and we stood there panting.

"Summer I..." I trailed off brokenly.

"It's okay Connor, I know. I love you too," she smiled gently at me.

A smile found it's way onto my lips as I gave her one more chaste kiss before moving away and holding my hand out for her.

"Summer, Wonder of the new Zenith team. Will you do me the honours of being my girlfriend?" I grinned.

"Yes," she grinned back, slipping her hand into mine.

"Now c'mon, I know you've been having trouble sleeping, so you need as much sleep as possible," she said, leading me away.

"As long as I have you, I don't care what we do," I whispered.

* * *

"Good morning big brother," Jackie grinned at me from across the table.

"Morning," I smiled back.

Everybody looked at me in surprise before quickly turning away.

"I still can't believe you and Summer broke up," I heard Tucker mumble.

"It's for the best, neither of us like each other like that anymore. Besides, that was two weeks ago and she's in love with someone else," Dylan replied.

"How do you know?" Cindy asked loudly.

Both of them shushed her.

"Because we're best friends now, and she told me," he explained.

A smile spread across my face at the thought of my fiery haired girlfriend.

"Morning everyone," Summer's voice cheerfully greeted.

"Morning."

"Hey babe," she smiled, sitting beside me and kissing my cheek.

"Hey baby," I grinned, pressing my lips against hers.

She laughed softly and pulled out of the kiss, turning to the rest of the tables occupants.

"We got together last night," she explained to their wondering looks.

"Haha! I knew it!" Jackie cheered, fist bumping the air.

"I always knew my brother was a little odd," I mumbled into Summer's ear.

She laughed and grabbed my hand with hers, twining our fingers together and resting her head against my shoulder.

"You need to eat," I frowned at her.

"I'm not hungry though," I argued.

She glared at me.

"Okay," I mumbled.

I leaned over and stole a piece of Jackie's french toast.

"Hey!" He look indignantly at me.

"What? You have like seven pieces there," I shrugged taking a bite.

"That's cause I was waiting for you to take up our breakfast routine again," he informed me.

"Well, you can expect it everyday now," I grinned.

"What breakfast routine?" Cindy looked between us.

"I would steal three of his french toast and he would eat three and we would split the last one in half, every morning he would have breakfast on his plate," I smiled softly.

"Awww," Summer cooed, squeezing my hand.

I nuzzled my face into her hair.

"So have you guys admitted you love each other yet?"

"Oh hey Marsha," I grinned.

She looked taken aback but returned my grin with a smile of her own and sat beside Jackie opposite Summer.

"Yeah, last night," Summer smiled, lifting our joint hands onto the table.

"Finally!" She cried.

"Hey wait, that means I win the bet," Jackie's eyes lit up.

"What?!" Summer and I yelled.

"Hey! I won too!" Dylan called.

"Looks like the three of you are our slaves for three days," Jackie teased.

"You bet on our love lives?" I raised an eyebrow.

Jackie immediately was out of his seat and speeding down the hall.

"You better run little brother cause when I get my hands on you you're dead meat!"


End file.
